“Welcome to Nowhere” (Season 1, Episode 1)

Stardate: 7998.34

Summary

As fireworks bloom silently in the vacuum of space outside of Starbase 30, Captain Jack Harrison stares out a broad viewport, expression unreadable. It’s New Year’s Day, 2331. Station time reads 08:00. The celebration is distant, muted — just like his mood.

Newly arrived after a grueling two-month journey from Earth, Harrison reports immediately to the office of Rear Admiral William Clarke, the ranking officer of the Federation’s southern and rimward frontier. This remote quadrant is sparsely populated, bordering both Klingon and Gorn space — an assignment as far from the Federation’s beating heart as possible.

After being treated like a pariah by the Admiral’s secretary, Clarke makes his opinion of Harrison clear: “If it were up to me,” he says, “you’d be in a penal colony.” We don’t learn what Harrison did, only that it was serious. Clarke makes it clear: Harrison should have been court-martialed. Only some unnamed intervention spared him. Now, he’s on his way to tihoS pagh’lan Station — exiled to a dying post where failure can be forgotten, or buried.

Harrison is handed command of the U.S.S. Stalwart, a battered Miranda-class starship that hasn’t seen a proper refit in decades. Its mission: to maintain Federation interests and uneasy peace on tIhoS pagh’lan Station, a crumbling mining outpost administered by the Federation, the Klingon Empire, and the Gorn Confederacy, and populated by thousands of the dregs of the galaxy.

Harrison meets his crew, most of whom are working overtime to try make the Stalwart at least functional enough for the weeks-long trip to the station. Atfer walking the ship to take stock of it, he assumes command. The ship leaves Starbase 30 the next morning.

Continuing repairs en route, the Stalwart runs into a field of warp mines — devices designed to disrupt a ship’s warp field and render it vulnerable to an ambush. And who is doing the ambushing? Orion pirates! The Stalwart is badly outmatched, but then the Orions detect a Gorn battleship coming in at high warp. The Gorn arrive with guns blazing, and scare off the Orions.

This is the Gorn ship Kollosith (“Nest Protector”) , commanded by Captain Sesseth, the Gorn representative to tihoS pagh’lan Station. Sesseth hails the Stalwart, introduces himself, and oddly, asks if Harrison is a human, and if so, does he play Monopoly? Apparently, the Gorn captain is a fan of Terran board games.

Shortly thereafter, the ship resumes its trip and arrives at the station. There, the Stalwart’s command crew meets with Sesseth in a conference room, to present themselves to General Kraddock, the Klingon commander of the station.

Kraddock is preceded by Torvod, his first officer, and then by Valador, Kraddock’s kr’tach (“shield bearer” in ancient terms, but adjutant in modern parlance). Valadar precedes to announce Kraddock in flowery terms. Kraddock then stumbles in, clearly drunk, collapses on the conference table and then gives Harrison a short speech about how the station is an awful posting. He then turns the meeting over to Torvod and leaves with Valador. The meeting adjourns shortly thereafter.

Later, the crew are investigating the station, a torrid place with evident poverty, open cooking fires in hallways, and the like. They eventually find Jassan’s, a nice little pub, where they have drinks and meet Jassan Gevredd, after watching Sesseth defeat Tork, a Klingon warrior, in a rousing game of “Battleship.”

While there, they see a Bajoran youth glaring at them. Jassan kicks him out, then explains how the kid is a bitter refugee from occupied Bajor. We get to see Dayv use a Phelobian ability to metastasize toxins by hemorraging as he consumes a particularly toxic drink.

Torvod contacts the Captain and informs him that someone has stolen a shuttle. They soon learn it’s the Bajoran kid, who seems to think he can reach Bajor with a non-warp capable shuttle. Unfortunately, he flies it into the asteroid field to try to evade capture and gets caught up in the gravimetric shear.

The Stalwart undocks to go bring him back. After a series of mishaps as they learn about the awesome gravimetric shear and sensor-confounding nature of the asteroid field, they finally take the boy into custody. The Klingons expect him to be turned over.

The crew debates whether or not they should, but ultimately, Harrison decides to turn him over, accompanying him with Commander Pytha to try to shield the boy from the Klingon’s wrath. Torvod, slightly convinced, halves his sentence in the work stockade, only to be overruled by Kraddock. Instead, Kraddock assigns him to Lt. Tork to be trained as a Klingon warrior.

Quotes

“Starfleet is entering the summer of its power. The Romulans are hiding behind their borders. The Klingons are still recovering from the disaster of the destruction of the moon of Praxis; technically our allies, but minding their own affairs. And the Gorn? Well, seventy years ago, they were hunting us for food. Now they tow our garbage.” – Admiral Clarke

“Dude, sir, you are like, so chill. That’s awesome. I have the honor of being the first Phelobian in Starfleet, and I am, like, super honored to, like, serve under your command. I’m, like, the transporter chief. I move things with the teleporter. That’s like, my gig, bro. Can I call you ‘bro?'” – CPO Dayv Selberian, upon meeting Captain Harrison.

“Are you aware that your genetic profile predisposes you to bekremma (Bolian brain cancer)?” “I…I was not.” “Your lifespan will likely be significantly shortened. Dismissed.” – Dr. Sivak demonstrating his excellent bedside manner to Ensign Glon during the latter’s physical.

“You are a human?” “Yes, many of us are.” “You, specifically, are human?” “I specifically am human.” “Tell me, Captain, do you play…Monopoly?” – Sesseth to Harrison after rescuing the Stalwart from the Orions.

“I’d like to dissect you.” – Lt.Cmdr. Nova to Jassan.

“Now comes before you Kraddock, son of Karadock, of the House of Kraddock, of the line of K’vort, who did stand with Kahless himself in battle against the tyrant, Molor! Kraddock! General of the Imperial Klingon Defence Forces, Captain of the IKS jich’we, and station commander!” – Valadore’s introduction of his general.

“Welcome to nowhere.” – Kraddock